The Sacred Disruption
The Sacred Disruption
I've been wrestling with this question: "What is it about embodying both flesh and spirit that continually throws me off?"
For years, I inhabited the world of pure reason—approaching life through analytical frameworks and deductive logic. I found profound comfort in this clarity, believing I could either understand everything or eventually discover explanations for what remained mysterious. What I recognize now is how deeply uncomfortable I was with uncertainty. Perhaps I was even terrified of it, though I couldn't see this at the time.
Through personal practice, I've learned to cultivate patience with unknowing—to dwell in that liminal space and trust the process.
Yet I notice a pattern: whenever life feels aligned and I'm moving with grace, something inevitably disrupts my equilibrium. I become frustrated, almost indignant—I was finally comfortable, finally doing things "right," only to find myself seemingly doing everything wrong. This reveals my deepest story: the relentless pursuit of correctness, of showing up impeccably. The child within me still carries that primal fear of wrongdoing, of punishment. I know this intellectually, though I don't always choose to remain conscious of it. This pattern emerges most acutely when my body demands attention.
This sacred disruption of flesh and spirit. During my years in the Bay Area, through dedicated inner work, I've discovered profound truths about myself. About the soul's essence and the spirit's nature. We are eternal beings temporarily housed in human form—fallible and flawed—, yet achingly beautiful and vibrant. We are gifted the sensual experiences of existence: savoring food, experiencing intimacy, feeling earth beneath our feet, drawing breath into our lungs. We get to be fully, gloriously alive.
I see how my mind constrains my soul's expression, how my body is a sacred gift rather than a burden, how everything I seek already exists within me. We tend to grasp for what seems absent, focusing on desires and longings. While there's nothing inherently wrong with wanting, I've discovered the transformative power of gratitude for every opportunity—even the painful ones—to learn and evolve. When I anchor my attention in what's already present, effort dissolves. I can step off the relentless treadmill and pause to witness the beauty already woven through each ordinary moment.
This may sound idealistic, as though I've transcended struggle entirely. Trust me—I'm practicing just as you are, because that's what this existence offers us: an ongoing practice.
Ready to join me in contemplation of this sacred disruption?
Upcoming Sound Meditation:
Aug 9-10: Year of Devotion (women's retreat)
Sept 27: Heartstring Ceremony with Misha Khalikulov
Oct 18: Sacred Renewal with Arielle Aquino
Oct 11-12: Devotion to Self (women’s retreat)
Year of Devotion
Year of Devotion is a series of five immersive, two-day experiential retreats in collaboration with Amy Reichlin that have started in Boulder, Colorado, and now are coming to Marin. Together, we explore one essential question: "What are you devoted to?". This inquiry illuminates the space between our aspirations and actions – both internal and external – revealing where our behaviors may not align with our deepest desires. Our Year of Devotion begins the first weekend on Aug 9-10, 2025.
There are still 2 spots available!
Are you ready to explore what you're truly devoted to?
Learn more about Year of Devotion
Heartstrings
Heartstrings Sound Meditation invites you to journey deep within yourself, connecting with the strings that tether your heart—those tender places of both strength and vulnerability. Through the evocative sounds of cello combined with overtone emitting instruments, like gongs, singing bowls, and breath work, we'll gently explore the emotional landscape of your inner world, creating space for profound transformation and healing as you reconnect with the rhythms of your heart. Join Misha Khalikulov and me on September 27th, 2025.
Reserve your spot today!
Sacred renewal
Sacred Renewal Sound Meditation offers a sanctuary for deep restoration and spiritual rebirth, guiding you through a transformative sound journey that honors both the parts of yourself ready to be released and the new expressions of your soul yearning to emerge. Through five hours of immersive sound meditation blending live instruments with guided visualization, this ceremony creates sacred space for you to shed what no longer serves and step into a more authentic version of yourself. Join Arielle Aquino and me on October 18th, 2025.
These sacred containers offers:
Deep healing through resonant overtone frequencies
Techniques for exploration and integration
Transformation of patterns into personal power
Connection with like-minded souls
Group preparation and integration & 1:1 individual in-depth preparation and integration session
Preparation and integration material
Supplements
Learn more about Scared Renewal
Reserve your spot today!